Monthly Spotlight - September

Suffering and Surviving Overwhelm

Overwhelm is more than ordinary stress, tiredness, or having too much to do. It is the experience of feeling that your mind, body, and emotional resources have been stretched beyond capacity.

Work, relationships, money, family responsibilities, illness, grief, uncertainty, noise, messages, decisions, and the pressure to keep functioning can begin to feel as though they are arriving all at once. For some people, overwhelm appears suddenly. One more email, conversation, demand, or unexpected change can bring the feeling, “I cannot do this.” For others, it develops gradually over months or years, until life feels unmanageable even though, from the outside, they may appear to be coping.

Overwhelm is not a sign of weakness or personal failure. It is often a signal from the nervous system that too much has been demanded for too long, with too little opportunity for rest, support, or emotional processing.

What Overwhelm Can Feel Like

Overwhelm can affect people in different ways. You may notice:

• racing thoughts
• irritability or tearfulness
• numbness or emotional shutdown
• difficulty making decisions
• procrastination or avoidance
• physical tension or exhaustion
• shallow breathing or a racing heart
• feeling detached from yourself
• wanting to withdraw from others
• feeling unable to start, stop, or think clearly

Some people become agitated and restless. Others become frozen, foggy, or disconnected. Some feel flooded by emotion; others feel cut off from feeling altogether. These responses can be understood as protective adaptations rather than personal defects. The question is whether they are still helping you or whether they have begun to restrict your choices, relationships, and sense of self.

The Pressures Behind Overwhelm

Overwhelm can come from external pressures, but it is often intensified by internal pressures too. These may include:

• perfectionism
• guilt
• fear of disappointing others
• difficulty saying no
• chronic self-criticism
• excessive responsibility
• feeling unable to ask for help
• believing you must hold everything together

Many people who feel overwhelmed are not only dealing with what is happening now. They are also managing long-standing expectations of themselves. They may feel they have to be capable, reliable, productive, emotionally available, and in control.

When there is no room to struggle, the struggle itself can begin to feel shameful.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can help us understand overwhelm at several levels. We may begin with what is happening in the present: what is demanding your attention, how your routines are affecting you, and what practical changes might reduce immediate pressure. We may also explore what happens internally when you feel overloaded. Do your thoughts race? Do you become irritable, tearful, restless, numb, ashamed, or unable to make decisions? Do you push yourself harder, withdraw from others, freeze, or shut down?

Therapy can help make overwhelm more thinkable. When the nervous system is overloaded, everything can feel equally urgent, frightening, and impossible. By slowing the process down, we can begin to distinguish what belongs to the present from what belongs to the past, what is genuinely urgent from what feels urgent, and what is yours to carry from what may never have been yours alone.

A Pluralistic Approach

A pluralistic approach means that therapy is shaped collaboratively around your needs, preferences, and goals. There is no assumption that one method will suit everyone. Different people need different things at different times.

Some people benefit from structured, practical work. This might include:

• identifying priorities
• developing boundaries
• learning grounding techniques
• improving communication
• creating manageable routines
• finding ways to regulate anxiety
• breaking problems into smaller steps

Others need a space to speak freely and be listened to without being interrupted, judged, or quickly directed towards solutions.

Often, effective therapy involves both.

Pluralistic therapy asks: what matters most to you right now? At times, the work may focus on stabilisation and reducing immediate distress. At other times, it may involve deeper exploration of the emotional meanings, relational patterns, and unconscious expectations that sit beneath the overwhelm.

Cognitive and Practical Work

Cognitive behavioural therapy can be helpful when overwhelm is maintained by anxious predictions, all-or-nothing thinking, excessive responsibility, or harsh expectations.

Together, we might examine thoughts such as:

“If I make a mistake, everything will fall apart.”

“I should be able to manage this.”

“I cannot let anyone down.”

“If I stop, everything will collapse.”

This does not mean dismissing your concerns or replacing difficult thoughts with forced positivity. It means developing a more balanced and compassionate way of evaluating demands, choices, and your own capacity.

Cognitive behavioural work may also involve behavioural change. CBT can often be lots of forms to fill in, but not with me; I work it into the therapy conversationally. When overwhelmed, people often avoid tasks, overwork, procrastinate, withdraw, or attempt to control every detail. These responses may bring short-term relief but can increase pressure over time. Gradually, we can identify small, realistic steps that restore a sense of agency without demanding perfection. The aim is not to become endlessly productive but to make life more workable.

Compassion, Grounding and the Body

An integrative approach may also draw on compassion-focused therapy. Many people who feel overwhelmed are not only carrying external demands; they are also carrying an internal voice that criticises them for struggling.

Shame can intensify the nervous system’s sense of threat, making it even harder to think clearly or ask for help. Compassion-focused work can support the development of a steadier inner response: one that recognises difficulty without collapsing into self-pity or self-attack.

Mindfulness and grounding can also help when overwhelm is experienced physically. You may notice a racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension, agitation, dizziness, exhaustion, or a sense of being detached from yourself.

Learning to notice these sensations without immediately reacting to them can create a small but important pause. We might use attention to the breath, the senses, movement, or the environment to help you reconnect with the present moment and distinguish current danger from emotional alarm.

Understanding Overwhelm Psychodynamically

Through a psychodynamic lens, overwhelm can also be understood as meaningful. Present-day pressures may stir older emotional patterns connected with helplessness, criticism, abandonment, failure, danger, or not being enough.

The intensity of your response may make more sense when we explore not only what is happening now, but what the situation has touched in you.

For example, ordinary work demands may feel catastrophic if mistakes were once met with severe criticism. Relationship difficulties may become overwhelming if you learned early to monitor and manage other people’s emotions. Decisions may feel paralysing if your own needs were historically ignored or treated as inconvenient.

These patterns are rarely deliberate. They may have developed as ways of staying safe, connected, or accepted. What once helped you cope can become exhausting when it continues to shape adult life.

The Therapeutic Relationship

Psychodynamic therapy can help bring these patterns into awareness. We may explore your relationships, attachment experiences, family roles, losses, fears, and the expectations you carry about yourself and others.

We may also notice how these patterns emerge within the therapeutic relationship itself.

Being able to experience a relationship in which you do not have to perform competence, minimise distress, or immediately make your feelings acceptable can be an important part of change.

Overwhelm is often relational. It can develop when there is too much to hold alone, particularly for people who have spent years being the capable one, the reliable one, or the person who does not make a fuss.

Therapy offers a relationship in which responsibility can be shared. You do not have to arrive with a clear explanation or a perfectly organised account of what is wrong. We can begin with the experience as it is.

The Wider Context

It is also important to consider the wider context. Overwhelm may be connected with:

• anxiety
• depression
• grief
• trauma
• burnout
• neurodivergence
• chronic illness
• family expectations
• relationship conflict
• work stress
• financial pressure
• masking or constantly adapting

Different experiences require different forms of support. Therapy should not reduce everything to an individual problem when social, cultural, financial, occupational, or relational pressures are also contributing.

Moving Towards Change

The work may begin with stabilisation: reducing immediate pressure, restoring sleep and routine where possible, strengthening boundaries, and finding ways to regulate your nervous system.

It may also involve making space for grief, anger, fear, shame, or other feelings that have been pushed aside.

Often, therapy moves between practical support and deeper exploration. Understanding why it is difficult to say no can make boundaries more emotionally possible. Learning to calm your body can make reflection easier. Exploring the roots of self-criticism can help you respond to yourself with greater firmness, kindness, and realism.

Over time, therapy can support a more honest relationship with your limits and needs. This is not a superficial version of self-care or an instruction to simply do less. It is a deeper capacity to recognise what your mind and body are communicating, to understand the emotional meanings beneath your distress, and to make choices that are more sustainable.

Overwhelm may then become less of a frightening collapse and more of a signal that something requires attention: a demand, a relationship, an old pattern, an unmet need, or a way of living that has become impossible to maintain.

Seeking Therapy for Overwhelm

Seeking therapy for overwhelm is not an admission that you cannot cope. It may be a sign that you have been coping for too long without enough support. Together, we can explore what has become too much, what keeps the overwhelm in place, and what might help you feel more grounded, able to think, and connected to yourself again.