Relational Wounds, Attachment, and How I Work

Integrative Therapy using a Pluralistic Psychodynamic Lens, in Central London

Many people come to therapy feeling confused by how strongly certain situations or relationships affect them. They may describe feeling easily hurt, defensive, or overwhelmed, even when they understand logically that they are safe. Others notice patterns repeating—in relationships, at work, or in how they relate to themselves—without quite knowing why.

Often, what lies beneath these experiences is relational wounds: emotional injuries shaped by early relationships and carried forward into adult life. My work focuses on helping people understand these patterns with care and curiosity, rather than judgement.

I work as a pluralistic therapist grounded in a psychodynamic and relational approach, offering therapy to adults in Central London, including the W1 area.

Relational Wounds, Attachment, and the Sense of Self

From early on, we develop our sense of self in relationships. When our emotions are noticed, taken seriously, and responded to with care, we begin to feel secure and valued. When this does not happen consistently—through emotional absence, criticism, unpredictability, or conditional care—we adapt.

These adaptations often shape how we relate for years afterwards. You may have learned to be emotionally self-sufficient, highly capable, pleasing, or tightly controlled. You may struggle to ask for help, tolerate dependence, or trust that others will respond reliably.

In attachment-informed and psychodynamic therapy, these patterns are understood not as personal shortcomings, but as relational strategies that once made sense. Therapy offers a space to explore how these strategies developed and whether they still serve you.

(You may also wish to read more about attachment and relational trauma.)

Understanding Narcissistic Injury

A concept that often helps people make sense of these experiences is narcissistic injury. Despite how the term sounds, this has nothing to do with arrogance or narcissism. It refers to a wound to the sense of self—often formed in a relationship—where a person feels unseen, shamed, rejected, or emotionally unsafe.

Narcissistic injury can leave the self feeling fragile beneath the surface, even when someone appears competent or confident. From a psychodynamic perspective, strong reactions to criticism, failure, or perceived rejection are understood as earlier relational wounds being reactivated in the present.

Other approaches describe this differently. Cognitive therapy may focus on underlying beliefs about worth or failure. Humanistic therapy emphasises the impact of conditional acceptance. These perspectives are not in conflict; they often describe the same emotional experience from different angles.

(You may find it helpful to explore this further on the page Understanding Narcissistic Injury.)

How Relational Wounds Show Up in Close Relationships

Relational wounds tend to surface most strongly in relationships where something matters.

In romantic relationships, this may show up as:

fear of rejection or abandonment

difficulty tolerating criticism or disagreement

pulling away when closeness increases

oscillating between needing reassurance and feeling ashamed of that need

In family relationships, old patterns often re-emerge:

slipping back into familiar roles

feeling responsible for others’ emotions

difficulty setting boundaries without guilt

intense reactions to judgement or disappointment

These experiences are common themes in relational and psychodynamic therapy, and they can be explored safely over time.

How Relational Wounds Show Up in the Workplace

Relational wounds do not stop at the office door. Many people notice that similar patterns play out in professional settings, often in quieter or more socially acceptable ways.

At work, this may look like:

strong reactions to feedback or performance reviews

fear of being exposed as “not good enough”

overworking or perfectionism to manage anxiety

difficulty asserting boundaries or saying no

withdrawing after conflict or feeling misunderstood

For some, authority figures can unconsciously trigger earlier relational experiences, leading to heightened anxiety, compliance, or resentment. Psychodynamically, these reactions are understood as transference—old relational templates being activated in new contexts.

Therapy can help you understand these dynamics, develop emotional resilience, and relate to work situations with more steadiness and choice.

(You may wish to explore therapy for work-related stress and burnout.)

How I Work: A Pluralistic, Psychodynamic Approach

I work pluralistically, meaning therapy is shaped collaboratively rather than following a single fixed method. What matters is not fitting you into a model, but using different ways of thinking to serve your needs.

My work is grounded primarily in a psychodynamic and relational framework, paying attention to patterns over time, especially in relationships, and to how earlier experiences may still be influencing the present. The therapeutic relationship itself is also an important part of the work, offering insight into relational dynamics and opportunities for repair.

Alongside this foundation, I draw on:

Attachment-based and relational therapy, to explore emotional safety and connection

CBT-informed approaches, where anxiety, self-criticism, or unhelpful thinking patterns are prominent

Humanistic principles, such as empathy, acceptance, and respect for your lived experience

We regularly reflect on what feels helpful and adjust the work accordingly.

(You can read more on my How I Work page.)

Shame, Boundaries, and Emotional Safety

Many people carry a quiet but powerful sense of shame. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “There is something wrong with me.”

Shame often develops in relationships where emotions were criticised, ignored, or felt unsafe to express. Over time, this can make boundaries difficult, particularly if saying no once led to guilt, conflict, or withdrawal of care.

In therapy, we explore shame and boundaries gently, with a focus on emotional safety and self-protection rather than blame. This work often unfolds slowly, as trust develops.

(You may want to read more about shame, boundaries, and emotional safety.)

What to Expect from Therapy

Therapy can be exploratory, practical, or both. Some sessions focus on understanding emotional patterns and relational dynamics; others support you with present-day concerns such as anxiety, self-doubt, relationship stress, or work-related difficulties.

There is no fixed length of therapy. Some people choose short-term counselling; others prefer longer-term psychodynamic psychotherapy. We review the work together as it unfolds.

Location and Access

I offer integrative therapy in Central London, with my practice in N1, EC1V, W1, accessible from W1G, W1U, W1K, and surrounding postcodes. I work with adults seeking thoughtful, relational therapy in London.

Moving Towards Repair

Relational wounds happen in relationships, and they heal there, too. Therapy is not about becoming less sensitive or needing less from others. It is about developing a steadier sense of self and learning that closeness does not have to mean shame, self-loss, or emotional danger.

My role is to offer a consistent, emotionally safe space where your experiences are taken seriously and where change can unfold at a pace that feels manageable.