Finding a Way Back from Dissociation; A Pluralistic Reflection

When people come to see me and describe feeling “not here” — spaced out, foggy, detached — I often start by saying something like, there’s nothing wrong with you for this. Dissociation isn’t a failure; it’s something the mind does to protect us when life feels unbearable. At some point, it probably kept you safe.

It can look and feel different for everyone. For some, it’s like watching life from behind glass. For others, it’s as if the body goes numb, or time slips away. However it shows itself, I see it as the mind’s best attempt to keep going in impossible circumstances.

Many Paths, Many Meanings

From a pluralistic point of view, there’s no single explanation that fits everyone. Some people make sense of dissociation in terms of trauma or attachment. Others experience it as a kind of overwhelm, a shutting down of the system when things get too much. Some frame it spiritually, or neurologically, or simply as a habit their body learned.

My job isn’t to tell someone which story is correct, but to explore their story with them — to understand how it makes sense in the context of their life. Different meanings open different possibilities for healing, and that meaning-making belongs to the person, not to me.

How It Begins

Often, dissociation begins in situations where a person felt unsafe and had no way out — especially in childhood, but not always. If the person who was supposed to protect you was also the source of fear, the mind faced an impossible conflict. You couldn’t fight or flee, so another part of you quietly stepped aside.

For one person, that might have meant “going blank” during arguments. For another, it might have been daydreaming through loneliness, or feeling as though life was happening to someone else. However it started, it was a kind of genius: the body and mind finding a way to keep you functioning when everything felt too much.

Collaboration, Not Prescription

In pluralistic work, therapy is a shared process. Rather than me deciding what needs to happen, we talk openly about what might help, and we adapt as we go. Sometimes that means exploring the past; other times it means staying right in the present, focusing on safety and stability.

I might say, “Would it be alright if we slowed down and noticed what’s happening in your body just now?” Or, “Does it feel helpful to make sense of where this pattern might have started?” You get to decide what feels possible, and we revisit that choice often.

That spirit of collaboration is vital when working with dissociation. The last thing someone who’s felt powerless needs is a therapist who takes over. Healing grows out of shared curiosity, not expert certainty; you are the expert in you, I am just a guide to help find the way through what life has thrown your way...

Re-inhabiting the Body

Many people tell me they don’t feel much of anything in their body — or that noticing sensations feels unsafe. So, when it feels right, we explore ways to reconnect very gently.

That might be through breathing, noticing the ground underfoot, or finding something comforting to hold while we talk. Sometimes it’s about moving around the room, sometimes it’s simply sitting together in quiet awareness.

There’s no fixed sequence. The aim isn’t to make someone stay present, but to help them discover that their body can be a place of safety again. For some, that happens quickly; for others, it’s a slow unfolding. Either way, the pace is theirs.

Welcoming All the Parts

A pluralistic approach recognises that people experience themselves in many ways — different moods, voices, parts, or states. None of these is more “real” than the others.

When dissociation shows up, I try to welcome whichever part has arrived. If a person suddenly feels small and frightened, we speak to that part with care. If another part wants to keep everything light and practical, that’s welcome too. Each carries something valuable — protection, wisdom, pain, hope.

Sometimes we draw on ideas from “parts” work; sometimes we use more traditional psychodynamic reflection. The method matters less than the respect shown to every aspect of the person’s experience.

The Role of Relationship

Whatever techniques we use, the relationship remains the heart of the work. Therapy offers a chance to experience connection differently — with less fear, less pressure.

When someone drifts off in session, I don’t treat it as a problem to be fixed. I might say quietly, “I can see you’ve gone a bit far away — shall we just pause?” Or sometimes I just stay still, keeping the room calm until they begin to return. It’s the steadiness that matters — showing that I can stay with them through whatever happens.

That kind of reliability, over time, helps rebuild trust in connection itself. The person begins to learn, not through words but through experience, that being with another person doesn’t have to mean losing themselves.

Drawing from Different Traditions

Pluralistic practice invites me to draw from a range of approaches, depending on what fits best at the time.

• Psychodynamic ideas help us understand the deeper patterns — how dissociation once served a purpose in relationships.
• Somatic and grounding techniques help reconnect body and mind.
• Mindfulness and compassion-focused work offer ways to stay present without judgement.
• Attachment and relational work explores what safety and trust feel like between us.
• Trauma-informed approaches, when appropriate, help process difficult memories once stability is established.

There isn’t a single road map — more a collection of paths we might take together. What matters is finding what works for this person, in this moment.

Signs of Healing

Healing from dissociation rarely arrives in a dramatic moment. It tends to appear quietly, in small shifts: someone noticing they stayed present through a conversation that would once have sent them away; or realising they can feel sadness and still function.

Over time, the gaps between self-states begin to close. The person starts to remember, feel, and think at the same time. They might say things like, “I still drift sometimes, but I can find my way back.” That’s integration — not perfection, just connection.

It’s about becoming more at home with yourself, more able to move between your different experiences without losing who you are.

A Shared Hope

If you live with dissociation, I want to say this: you are not broken. Your mind and body did something remarkable to help you survive. The aim of therapy isn’t to erase that, but to understand it, and to help you build other ways of feeling safe now.

And we’ll do that together — checking in, adapting, trying things, pausing when needed. Because in a pluralistic view, healing isn’t something a therapist delivers; it’s something we co-create.

I’ve seen people slowly return to themselves — sometimes after years of feeling half-alive. The moment they realise they can stay present, feel safe, and still be themselves is extraordinary. It’s like watching someone come home.

That, to me, is the heart of this work: finding what helps each unique person come home to who they are — in their own time, in their own way

If you are ready to start to find out about who you are and how you got there then get in contact; slots able in Islington, Harley Street/Wimpole and the West End.